How to Raise an Awesome Child

How to Raise an AWESOME CHILD | The Halfway Homemaker

How to Raise an AWESOME CHILD | The Halfway HomemakerAcquire child

Birth by any means, adopt, etc. Please don’t steal child. Illegal.

Feed Child

Most doctors agree milky white liquid is best. Origin and means of getting said substance into child is up for interpretation. This is mostly all child needs for first 6 months. Afterwards, other foods can be introduced. Probably not honey and Flaming Hot Cheetos.

Bathe Child

In water. Use type of cleaning product that does not irritate child or skin. Powdered sink cleaners are not appropriate.

Let Child Sleep

Wherever child sleeps, ensure there is nothing covering face. Wake 100x per night to ensure child is still breathing. Continue until child is 18 or moves out.

Play With Child

Children light bright, fuzzy things that make noise. Cats may or may not be suitable playthings. Baby wrestling match in octagon may also not be appropriate.

Read to Child

Children like to hear your voice. May also help promote reading, but who knows. Go the F*** to Sleep probably not appropriate.

Love Child

Love means everything. It means teaching respect, boundaries, how to love others and self. And most of all, making the child feel love on a daily basis.

Just follow these 7 easy steps, and your child will be awesome.


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