I was so concerned with getting my work done and preparing for a presentation for tomorrow that I was – what my husband calls – a cold prickly.
Today was kind of rough for me as a mom. My husband is on another business trip, his second of three in as many weeks. We both hate him traveling, obviously for somewhat differing reasons. I have a babysitter – I use her liberally, especially today with meeting with clients and also trying to prepare for my presentation tomorrow. But at the end of the day, I am just waiting for the minute when both of them drop off to sleep.
I was really short with my daughter today – no running, no jumping, stop, stop, stop trying to bite your brother, etc. I had to stop and count to 10 (20) several times. She was even in school most of the day and I still just couldn’t get her to sit still.
Gosh, it is hard to be a mom. I want so much for peace and quiet, but at the end of the day, I have two bright, rowdy, adorable kids. And I am totally missing out on them.
Tonight, as I was sitting at my desk trying to coax my printer into printing 170 pages of a powerpoint presentation (10 copies of 17 pages) with ink running out and a questionable amount of paper, I had a flash.
I didn’t make my daughter laugh today. Sure, she laughed, she had fun, and she smiled, but I didn’t make her do any of that. I watched her do it, and maybe got a little irritated because she was doing it while I was on the phone with customer service for something that seemed so pressing at the time. I was nice to the person on the phone, but was I nice to my daughter?
So I walked away from the hot mess that was my work, and went into my daughter’s room. I picked her up out of bed, hugged her close, and sang her her favorite song. Three times.
I don’t know if she needed it or not, or if she will even remember. All I know is that I needed it. I needed to hold her close and feel her breathe. And I know tomorrow, when I am exhausted and am being ordered out of bed to provide breakfast, I will have to think back to that quiet moment, and remember how much I absolutely love my little girl. And try to grace her with my presence and my patience.
And I created a pdf of my presentation, emailed it to myself, and shall share it with my audience tomorrow via email instead of trying to fight the printer. It is amazing what a five minute time-out does for your clarity.