A Shift

a Shift | The Halfway HomemakerSitting on my daughter’s floor tonight, rocking and singing to her, I felt like a failure.

I was so concerned with getting my work done and preparing for a presentation for tomorrow that I was – what my husband calls – a cold prickly.

Today was kind of rough for me as a mom. My husband is on another business trip, his second of three in as many weeks. We both hate him traveling, obviously for somewhat differing reasons. I have a babysitter – I use her liberally, especially today with meeting with clients and also trying to prepare for my presentation tomorrow. But at the end of the day, I am just waiting for the minute when both of them drop off to sleep.

I was really short with my daughter today – no running, no jumping, stop, stop, stop trying to bite your brother, etc. I had to stop and count to 10 (20) several times. She was even in school most of the day and I still just couldn’t get her to sit still.

Gosh, it is hard to be a mom. I want so much for peace and quiet, but at the end of the day, I have two bright, rowdy, adorable kids. And I am totally missing out on them.

Tonight, as I was sitting at my desk trying to coax my printer into printing 170 pages of a powerpoint presentation (10 copies of 17 pages) with ink running out and a questionable amount of paper,  I had a flash.

I didn’t make my daughter laugh today. Sure, she laughed, she had fun, and she smiled, but I didn’t make her do any of that. I watched her do it, and maybe got a little irritated because she was doing it while I was on the phone with customer service for something that seemed so pressing at the time. I was nice to the person on the phone, but was I nice to my daughter?

So I walked away from the hot mess that was my work, and went into my daughter’s room. I picked her up out of bed, hugged her close, and sang her her favorite song. Three times.

I don’t know if she needed it or not, or if she will even remember. All I know is that I needed it. I needed to hold her close and feel her breathe. And I know tomorrow, when I am exhausted and am being ordered out of bed to provide breakfast, I will have to think back to that quiet moment, and remember how much I absolutely love my little girl. And try to grace her with my presence and my patience.

And I created a pdf of my presentation, emailed it to myself, and shall share it with my audience tomorrow via email instead of trying to fight the printer. It is amazing what a five minute time-out does for your clarity.

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  1. I can absolutely relate to this! I have those days where I am pissy and cranky and my kids just want to have fun! And even that annoys me! I usually catch myself by the end of the day, right as the guilt settles in. You are not alone. Thank you for sharing!

    1. I am glad I am not alone. There are so many days like this, especially when I have lots of work to do, and I feel so bad. But every day is a new chance to make a better impression on our kids.

  2. Oh wow. I can relate to this. There are many days where I feel the same way. Did I have fun with my kids, or was I too worried about everything else!? Thank you for the wonderful reminder to treasure this time and have fun. Thank you also for linking up today! So excited to come across your blog!

    1. Thanks for stopping by! It helps to think I am not the only one, although most of the time I think most other moms are more put together than me. But I try a little harder each day.

  3. If anyone says they haven’t had a mommy day like this, they are lying 🙂 We have all been there. I yelled at my son today, and sent him off crying to his room. It wasn’t his fault I yelled, I was actually mad at his grown sister, but he was the one at home to take the brunt of my frustration. I have since, hugged him and cuddles with him, and told him I’m sorry. Lucky for me, he has a very forgiving soul 🙂

    1. Gosh, I am so guilty of displaced frustration, I feel ya. I think we remember a lot more than they do, but it still doesn’t make me feel any better.

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